Is it possible to fall in love with your husband all over again? Yep.
I love this man with the deepest part of my being. Lately the changes I've been making have also trickled over into my marriage. I couldn't be more grateful. What a crazy life that is for sure. This man and i have been to hell and back quite a few times. And sure we still have our struggles just like anyone. But i couldn't be more happy he is at my side.
It was my graduation night and honestly i wasn't feeling like celebrating much. I felt like going home and drinking alone. Luckily my best friend Paige who was actually Bry's cousin (i know super crazy) drug me out. She said, "Oh come on just go to this one party with me it'll be fun. If you're not feeling it you can go home and I'll call you later." Well as fate would have it i listened and went with her. As soon as he walked around that corner and she introduced us i knew. This is the man i am going to marry. Every part of my soul, body, and heart ignited. He felt familiar.
It's weird how many people we had in common but yet hadn't met until this night. The timing just happened to be perfect. I remember feeling so excited like a fire had been lit inside me. And if there is one thing that Bry reminds me of when i get down or feel like giving up... it's that i need to relight that fire that he remembers. It's an amazing feeling being loved for exactly who you are. And even better than i am married to someone who knows me just as much as i know myself. Sometimes it can be annoying haha but without fail he reminds me who i am when i need it. Even when I'm being stubborn.
Not to long after we met i started having my seizures. Rather than abandon me he stood by me. Yet another sign. It definitely took it's toll on me but with him at my side it made it a lot more bearable. On my birthday about 4 months before our 1 year anniversary Bry proposed to me. I was so damn happy. In my opinion when you know you just know. There have been many a times where i have doubted it and yes i will openly admit it. But i will also say that what quickly follows is the overwhelming feeling of love i have for him. I have always let doubt and fear overcome me. But not anymore.
My seizures are actually stress induced. So from all the wedding planning and drama that came with it i was having more than usual. I can't remember if it was the night after or a few days after i had my bridals but i had a big seizure. I lost consciousness and when i woke up i had no memory of anything. I had no idea where i was, who i was, or more importantly what the hell was going on. I will never forget the look on Bry's face. Pure fear. I was taken by ambulance to Utah Valley and they followed behind us in the car. I could go on and on about that night and how i felt but it isn't the reason i brought it up. The reason it's important is that i remember laying there in that hospital bed terrified. My slate had been wiped clean. Everyone but Bry had left the room and as i laid there i tried to take a few peeks without him noticing. That's when i felt it...that feeling i had felt when i first met him. Despite having no memory of myself, him, or anything for that matter my heart recognized him. He felt familiar. He felt safe.
After a month or so my memory had returned to about 90%. Our wedding plans had been put in limbo so to speak. But i remember feeling that i wanted to marry him. So after a lot of back and forth we set the date for our 1 year anniversary. We kept it really simple and didn't invite very many people so i wasn't overwhelmed. I may not have had a cake or flowers or all the normal stuff you have at weddings. And for awhile this bugged me. But now it doesn't bug me because i got to marry my best friend. Weddings turn into these giant ordeals when the only thing that matters is that you get to marry the love of your life. And i got to do just that.
Not to many people know but i guess now you all will...but the first night of our honeymoon something crazy happened. I had this overwhelming feeling and if I've learned one thing it's that you don't ignore your instincts. I looked at Bry and i said, "I want to have a baby." Before Luna i actually hated kids. I didn't want anything to do with them. So for me to say something like this or even feel this way was crazy. We talked it over for awhile but ultimately decided to start trying. Well more like not trying but not preventing. And a few months later i was pregnant! I do wish we had waited a few years to enjoy just being married. But i do not regret deciding to have Luna. She is such a beautiful blessing in our lives. It changed us in ways that words can't even describe. I remember also deciding that Bry was the one i wanted to marry because i knew he was the one i wanted to be the daddy of my children. I think when you choose a partner that is a very important factor. At least it was for me!
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| Just ignore Dr. Phil. It's my favorite belly picture though. |
So here we are almost 4 1/2 years later. We've come a long way and honestly it's still a shock to us both that it's been that long. But it's only a short way into forever.
I definitely fall more and more in love with him everyday. To say that i am grateful for him as my husband, best friend, and daddy to our daughter is putting it lightly. I know we've had our differences and definitely ups and downs but we've made it. We always do. We were meant to outlast and overcome anything.
True and unconditional love is a thing to behold. The fact that i have been blessed for almost 5 years to have known such love is amazing. And i am so happy to be exactly where i am right now. I love you Bryant Fullmer. Thank you for loving me unconditionally. I know it isn't easy loving me and i say that in the nicest way possible. I just make it very hard. But regardless you still do. Thank you for that.
I realize i've posted the story before or a similar post. Just deal with it hahah.
-Kenz
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