My "Weekend".

Nothing in my life has been as hard as the pain caused by my seizures. The emotional, physical, and mental pain is enough to make me wish for death. I know many people would look down upon me for saying that but you don't know what it's like. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. The past few days have been insanely miserable and tested me to my full extent. Saturday i had at least 10 or 12. Thank god i didn't have any yesterday or today. I'm still worn out from it. It just kept coming at me full force.  And just when i thought i would get a break it came back at me. Hopefully this episode is over.

If there is anything i've learned it's that you can never predict your life. If you're still trying to ...stop. I think we all have control of certain things but not everything. The main thing i can control is my attitude. Infact that is the most important thing. Right now i just feel so broken. The one thing that makes me grateful is where i am now compared to where i was about a year ago. After another ER visit i was put on Lyrica. In my opinion the miracle drug for me. It treats my seizures, fibromyalgia, and chronic back pain all in one. After i started taking it my seizures stopped almost immediately. I think because of that i fooled myself into thinking my seizures would stop completely. And even after having a few episodes here and there i still keep fooling myself. I just want to believe that they will stop. Even more so now because i have Luna. A two year old little girl having to watch her mommy flop around like a fish making horrible painful sounds....it just isn't right.

At this point i just need to simplify. Instead of creating so much out of nothing i need to relax. Which if you know me, you know it's so much easier said than done. But it has to be done. Hopefully with summer coming i can get outside more, exercise more, and be at peace. That is my goal....to be at peace. So here's to summer!